Jessica Simpson’s Dad Doesn’t Like Romo

Creepy Papa Joe Simpson introduced his daughter, Jessica, to Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo 16 months ago in the hopes that the relationship would help her brand new country music career, but now he’s wishing that he hadn’t done that.

A friend of the Simpson gang has told the National Enquirer “Joe now feels that Tony has become too much of a distraction for Jessica. Any free time she has, Jess wants to spend with Tony.” Damn it, Joe, she’s your daughter, not your wife.

The family friend also said, “But if Jessica had her druthers, she’d be married and pregnant. Her main concern is getting Tony to settle down and commit.” I thought cowboys were gay, though. What’s the name of that movie? Quarterback Mountain?

Lauren Conrad Collection Goes Bye-Bye

You think the tanking economy (thanks, George) has hit you hard, but your problems are nothing compared to Lauren Conrad’s. Her clothing line (Lauren Conrad Collection) has been discontinued.

Critics of her clothes claim that they are made from cheap-ass material and the designs are uninspired, to put it mildly.

A source close to Conrad said: “Lauren is going to revamp her line and design with more high-end fabrics . . . things she couldn’t do the first time around. With everything going on in the economy and in her life, she wants to rework her line and offerings. She will make announcements soon.”

Let’s hope everything works out for her so she doesn’t end up in the poorhouse like Lindsay Lohan. If you’re one of those praying people, why not throw in one for her… and her clothing line.

Michael Jackson Wants to Adopt

"I got this idea from a Andy Warhol movie."

Michael Jackson wants to adopt another child during his extended stay in London this summer. He thinks that he is the ideal parent, according to some of his cronies.

Michael already has three children, but as everybody knows, he likes to collect things. He has sent his associates to go talk to British adoption agencies on his behalf.

A source who is in the know told the Sunday Express: “He senses he is viewed differently here than he is in the States. Before his concerts he has said he wants to spend at least three weeks in Britain, getting used to the time zone and exploring the country. It is during this period that he wants to have meetings about adoption. He has not said if he wants a boy or a girl, just that it would be good for the family to have ­another brother or sister.”

I think Michael should go talk to Octostretch and see if she wants to sell one of her kids.

Avril Lavigne Gets Drunk, Ignores Husband

"Yeah, we're married, but I still have to get her drunk before she'll have sex with me."

The Canadian rocker who single-handedly brought punk back from the dead [lie] got drunk with her husband of three years at the L.A. club My House this past weekend and proceeded to diss him like a roach.

Some nosey person told NY Daily News: “She kept downing vodka drinks, to the point where she was obliterated. She ended up fighting with her husband (that guy from Sum 41) before ignoring him completely.”

Mr. 41 sat on the couch like a whipped teenage boy watching his wife talk to everybody at the party except for him. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he grew a pair of testicles and told her it was time to leave. She slammed a couple more drinks of vodka and left with her husband shortly thereafter.

50 Cent Dropped From Sly Stallone Film

"I don't wanna talk about it."

50 Cent aka Curtis Jackson has proven to be expendable when he was dropped from the new Sly Stallone flick, The Expendables.

Curtis was going to replace Forest Whittaker in the role of a mercenary who wants to overthrow a South American dictator. Those South American dictators sure are pissers, aren’t they?

There is speculation that the wack-as-they-come rapper was dropped from the film by Sly because bloggers have been calling Mr. Cent a terrible actor and a “pop culture joke.” I can’t count how many fights I’ve seen started at the bar because someone was called a “pop culture joke.” Those are some serious battle words.